Oh, the irony of giving advice to friends that you yourself cannot follow. Wouldn’t it be easier if we could all just be spectators?
i can’t sleep.
which is almost funny in an ironic way, because i desperately need sleep, but it won’t come to me.
my body is exhausted but my mind is wide awake, fueled by worries about how tomorrow will go, if that lab report i just spent half my night on will actually earn me a passing grade, obsessing over the most minuscule details of my day like that possibly dumb comment i made to my boss.
no matter how much i try to silence these thoughts, they just keep coming.
…i’m not going to want to wake up tomorrow
I despise that frustrating and simultaneously disappointing moment when you realize that your well-laid plans just don’t stand up to reality as well as you’d hoped.
Sleeping away problems seems like the answer…until the next morning, when you realize that you didn’t give yourself enough time to finish that paper.
I’ve memorized this poem:
“I am dead because I lack desire,
I lack desire because I think I possess.
I think I possess because I do not try to give.
In trying to give you see that you have nothing;
Seeing that you have nothing you try to give of yourself;
Trying to give of yourself, you see that you are nothing;
Seeing that you are nothing, you desire to become;
In desiring to become, you begin to live.”