My Dirty Cash

When I started this challenge I was scared. Not of the challenge itself—I thought that would be quite easy. But how would I ever find something interesting to write about?

You see, I abhor cash. So a so-called “challenge” that stipulates against using cash seemed—well, like stealing candy from a baby. While some might find this difficult, long ago I made my life cashless.* Why would I limit myself to the plastic side of money? For several reasons:

1) I am miserly (a cheapskate, some would say). So I would just as soon not spend any money at all. Seriously. I hate spending money.

2) I don’t earn money back when I use cash, but I do earn money for spending on my credit card. Getting 3% cash back when I spend $60 on gas makes those high gas prices sting a little less. (see reason #1)

3) I am That Friend that never has cash and is always willing to put your bill on my card in exchange for your cash. As That Friend I can deposit your cash into my bank account, and get rewards from my credit card on money that I didn’t even spend. Being That Friend is annoying for my friends, but my winning personality makes up for it. I think.

4) Cash is gross. I read about people in a cult in southern Nevada that think it’s holy to cover their coughs and sneezes with dollar bills. Actually, I didn’t read that and it isn’t true. But it easily could be.

What is true is that when I have to touch those dirty Lincolns and Washingtons that thousands (millions?!) of people have sneezed, coughed, or just put their grubby little paws on, I feel compelled to wash my hands. Immediately.

5) Finally, I don’t really need cash for anything. I don’t frequent strip clubs (anymore!). I am not evading taxes or engaging in illegal transactions (no drugs AND no babysitting money, unfortunately). I prefer to give food items to homeless people rather than money—“Come back, sir! I still have more leftover sushi for you!”  I would also prefer to take an hour and a half subway ride than pay for a taxi because I AM THAT CHEAP.

So this week was going to be a piece of cake….or so I thought.

Just this afternoon, I failed. Miserably. I didn’t even realize what I had done until I was washing the dirty cash feeling off of my hands, and I thought, “You weren’t supposed to have that gross feeling this week, Rachael.”

Although I have no cash in my wallet, I do have a little stash of quarters in the bottom of my dresser, and I paid $7.50 in quarters to use the coin-operated laundry machines in my basement.

If not for drug lords, parents, perverts, and Boston landlords, the world would be a clean, cashless paradise.

 

 

 

 

*nearly, that is

1 comment on this post.
  1. Charlie Bailey:

    Hey now! While I am on Team Cashless, I generally love cash and I am neither a drug lord, parent, pervert, and Boston landlord! Cash is still the best way to tip people, whether it be a taxi driver (I know, you don’t use them), a hotel room maid, a valet, a golf caddy, etc. Not that I do those activities often – those are all kind of white color things and I still don’t have an income.
    The secrecy that cash allows is also great if you’re married and you and your spouse share a mint.com account or the like. Buying someone a birthday gift and having them know exactly how much you spent on it and where you got it takes a lot of the excitement and surprise out of it.

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