Self-Care: 2017-2018

by Katherine, Tufts 1+4 Participant

The opinions expressed are not representative of City Year or Americorps as organizations.

Self-care has been on the forefront of my mind for years. I can’t let taking care of myself go to the bottom of my priorities, and it’s been especially relevant this year, as I began working full-time as a City Year AmeriCorps Member. From 7:30 AM to 6:00 PM every day, I am “on.” In the morning I get to work with sixth-graders in their math class, and throughout the day I need to be vigilant during lunch, recess, and hallway transitions to ensure that things go smoothly. Right after dismissal, I co-facilitate afterschool for a group of 20 third- and fourth-graders. I am exhausted at the end of each day (and have a glimpse into the reality of “teacher burnout”) from being exposed to such a stimulating environment for 10 hours, but the work I do is equally rewarding as it is draining. I get to watch my students’ confidence grow, work with a team, and learn about myself. A large part of recognizing the rewards comes from taking care of myself.

From a distance, I may seem like the quintessential “self-care expert”: I practice yoga, write in a journal, and I love talking about my feelings. The kind of self-care that working at City Year requires of me is very different from the self-care I practiced for my entire high school career. And I didn’t get to realize this until very recently, since my job has demanded me of things that high school did not.

For the past two years at school, I had the luxury of my own room, my best friends lived across the hall, and all of my meals were made for me. I was able to find what I needed in terms of self-care by having the option of being alone or surrounded by people. My stress came mostly from academics. It was difficult to get to bed before midnight each night, and I often pushed myself to study more than I should have. But through each semester, I felt a sense of control and paradoxically a sense of freedom from academics. I felt the struggle was for myself, so I didn’t feel pressured to do well for anyone else.

The sense of control and freedom felt in high school has changed to become very different. This year, I’m in bed by 10 each night and waking up at 6. I live with my dad and sister, and the small space and tense relationship we share adds to stress outside of work. In school, I am held responsible for the safety of the students I’m looking after, so I feel like a lot more is at stake. In the middle school I now work at, behavior management is challenging and complicated in ways I didn’t expect (which I might write about in a later blog post).

I turn to self-care as a way to reflect about work and to disconnect from it when I’m at home. Self-care is what it means to use my downtime constructively to let myself recharge and to add to myself.

As of now, this is what self-care looks like for me.

Audre Lorde said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

My 1+4 Story: Audrey

by Audrey, Tufts 1+4 Participant

“Keep a journal, everyone always wishes that they had.”
This advice was given to me by practically everyone that I met before I left. Teachers, Tufts faculty, Amigos, my family. Journaling was always something that I hated, and reluctantly brought one with my without expecting to use it. However, in processing my new environment, my journal has become my most valuable possession here. Held together by stickers and duct-tape, I have carried it with me everywhere. The pages are filled with countless ups and downs, doodles, receipts, lists, thoughts, flowers, laughter, and tears. I have found a way to contain my experience in hardcover, and I am so glad that I finally took the advice.

A Trip back to Spain

By Evan, Tufts 1+4 Participant

Six months can feel like a long time. Since I last saw my host family, I had made an entirely new group of friends at Tufts, joined the sailing team, and switched my major at least four times. But as soon as I saw my host sister and parents in the airport in Madrid, I knew that despite our time apart, we would have no trouble jumping right back into our relationship. For over a week, I played, laughed, and chatted with my host siblings, parents, and grandfather, sharing stories from our time apart and reminiscing on our year together. I visited the school where I had been placed last year, having only told a handful of people that I would be coming. Just like with my host family, I knew from my short conversations with the teachers and students that I would always have a home both at the school and in Madrid whenever I wanted to visit. When I had to return to the US at the end of my trip, it was hard to leave my family and friends again after having only been there for nine days, but I stand reassured that no matter how long we go until we see each other next, we’ll always be able to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company.

Bus rides: Reflection, Spurts of Wisdom, and Slight Nausea

by Erica, Tufts 1+4 Participant
It has been roughly eight months since we left our 1+4 host sites, and I’m currently on a bus from Hartford to Cambridge after a relaxing winter break. During my bridge year, I spent so many hours on buses, that if I didn’t look up every once in a while, I might forget that I’m actually in Connecticut.
Yes, time has passed. But I don’t find myself forgetting. Not the important stuff anyways. There is no way the terrazas and golden streets of Madrid at dusk, the constant buzzing of el Retiro, the shrieks and cackles of my host sisters, or the salty, wholesome taste of tortilla could ever slip from my memory. And if I do happen to do a little forgetting, I always have the “a year ago today” Google Photos notifications to remind me of the gorgeous cities I was galavanting exactly 365 days ago (as I sit in the library).
I’ve done my fair share of missing, but now I find comfort in my future. Madrid was an inexplicably beautiful experience, but college has begun! I can now study and live and laugh with my closest friends (who are also gifts from 1+4). Some people struggle freshman year to find their people, but I’m lucky to have already located mine.
My first semester back to school went rather swimmingly, but it wasn’t perfect. Something that bothered me and served as a source of stress was my low number of clubs and activities. In September, I was focused on my studies and getting back into the swing of academics, and I was afraid to stretch myself too thin my first semester. Therefore, I didn’t join as many clubs as everyone else had.
Over winter break, I decided to address my dissatisfaction. I scoured the 2020 and 2021 Facebook pages to join e-lists and apply for e-board positions in organizations that looked fascinating to me. I liked pages, researched websites, emailed professors and community service organizations, and became very close with Student Information Services. I can’t wait to get back to campus, get involved, and take charge of this semester.
The moral of the story is that everyone goes at their own pace. Stay present, stay golden, and don’t freak out!

Rocking Chairs

by Sophie, Tufts 1+4 Participant

Like many homes in Nicaragua, my host house is littered with rocking chairs. Made from dark wood and wicker backs, some have permanent spots while others appear to multiply as my host mother arranges and rearranges them. On my first night I decide to trust in some orientation advice and take my book out of my room where I fold my legs into an oversized rocking chair. When my host sister joins me and asks something in Spanish, I twist my eyebrows and give her an awkward I have no clue what you said smile. On top of the Spanish, my mind was still trying to digest the fact that this 13 year old girl – irrefutably the scariest demographic – seemed to be being . . . friendly?

She laughs and repeats the question more slowly. In this way we pick our way through simple conversation for nearly 2 hours; rephrasing and miming and rocking and laughing out no entiendo after no entiendo. When she pieces together my thought, she spits it back in the correct grammar. I try to fit the words back into my own mouth, though they feel like square pegs in round holes, and she laughs and slows down.

She tells me about how she hates English class and about her volleyball team and listens to me talk about New England winters. We laugh at how she can’t pronounce Connecticut and at how I can’t pronounce almost anything. We talk about our families and our friends and our schools and where we want to travel and what we want to do when we’re mas grande. The whole time I speak in broken present tense, waving my arms in front of my to show when I’m talking about the future and pointing behind me when telling about the past, but this doesn’t seem to bother her.

It’s not raining but I watch thunderless lightning fill the whole ceiling, because in Nicaragua you’re never really inside, least of all when you’re in the center of your house. At the end of the night I smile because we’re 4 years, 2,000 miles, and a language apart but we both still agree that school is usually boring and that we really hope to see Paris some day. I think every house needs a few rocking chairs.