Tufts Ewo 2011-2012
#23 Hailey “Buckets” Alm – 2013 (C)
Everyone knows the feelings described in the song “Zippity-Doo-Dah.” It’s the bubbly happiness that just wants to explode out of every pore in your body and make you break out into song. Most people don’t know, however, that those feelings are actually the result of a small, invisible, sprite-like creature that flies around putting pixy dust on you to make you feel happy. When the Happy Fairy puts just a pinch of dust on you, you feel as though nothing can go wrong. Hailey Alm is actually made purely of that dust.
Though her Frisbee talents surpass even the most legendary standards, the most noticeable part of Hailey’s personality is her constant joyful attitude. In fact, she has actually never been mad once in her life. Countless monsters, beasts, and E-men have tried, in vain, to get her to be angry, but she only responds with a smile and an encouraging “Aw shucks, you’ll get me next time.” Raised only to play Frisbee and be nice, Hailey has turned into the ultimate competitor, nearly killing her opponents with kindness. Her height and skills in the air help her dominate the skies, while her loveable nature helps her dominate her opponents’ hearts. Between her charming nature and polished game, there was no way that the E-wo wouldn’t take Hailey as a freshman. And if her first-year were any indication of the future, we know that we all can expect big things from Hailey Alm.
#24 Margot “Gecko” Lieblich – 2013 (C)
Little Gecko was hatched from an egg in the Arizona desert next to her slimy reptilian brother. For many years, the adorable pair endured the heat of the blazing sun, stalking among the cactuses, blasting Dave Matthews from a boom box, and feeling fresh in neon XXL tanks. When Gecko’s last water bottle sprung a leak that no duct tape could seal, they trekked long, dry hours in search of water. After many days, they finally made it to civilization, where Gecko immediately found a Denny’s and ordered pink lemonade with a slice of lemon, extra pulp orange juice, hot green tea with honey, and three straws. Thirst quenched, she stabbed a cactus needle into the table, gave the peace sign to her bro (who hid his tears of sorrow from his blossoming younger sibling), and began a solo trek to the California coast.
Bright-eyed and slimy-tailed, Gecko began playing beach ultimate with some bums after they mealed her in to the nearest dining hall and fed her a disc full of various cereals and milk. Known for her claw-like grabs and silky-smooth flick, this young Gecko soon made a name for herself among the humanoids. After skying every last beach bum, she hitched a ride on a traveling armadillo and headed east to the esteemed T.U. in search of the elusive “Frat Party” of which she had heard great things. Crashing on couches and asking for no more than a baby crib to sleep in and a warm beer in the morning, Gecko(t) soon became known as the ideal guest. A gecko among elephants, her lightning quickness, camouflage color, and reptilian limbs made defense second nature for young Gecko(t), and before long she had d’ed every human to cross her path.
#17 Sarah “QVC” Lindsay – 2013
In the early fall of her freshman year Sarah often spent her time wandering around Fletcher field by herself, picking flowers and chasing butterflies, oblivious to the world around her. One afternoon Sarah wandered right into the middle of an EWO practice, unaware of the flying Frisbees until one hit her right in the head. She picked it up, and threw a perfect 20ft flick right back to its owner, and the team knew right then and there she was destined for Ewo greatness. After lots and lots of unsuccessful attempts, mainly due to Sarah’s inability to check her email for weeks at a time, Becky and Juice were finally able to track down Sarah and convince her to come back to practice, where they discovered years of soccer made Sarah have sick defense and great positioning It wasn’t until the spring when the Ewo discovered Sarah’s true passion: sleeping. When not playing Frisbee or enjoying her “special private time” or giggling, she was always napping. Those in her spring break car even feared she had slipped into a coma, as Sarah remained passed out in the back corner of Marv’s quest from DC to Atlanta with no sign of movement, despite the entire rest of the car making dinosaur noises at every waffle house sighting. Crowned “Snappy” (and later “Master”, but that’s a different story…) by the team, Snappy proved her namesake by sleeping throughout every bye for the rest of the spring, as well as the occasional morning practice. However, all this rest did Snappy well, as she continued to bring intensity to the field with unstoppable cuts and sick grabs.
#19 Cameron “Cam’RON” Wright – 2013
#29 Lily “Lil’Bergs” Berger – 2014
#4 Alex “Nala” Earle – 2014
#11 Michaela “Gaston” Fallon – 2014
Once upon a time, in a land of rain and Twilight fans, Gaston became an ultimate Frisbee star. She attended the ultimate ultimate Frisbee academy, the Northwest School, and bloomed as a player with speed, agility, team spirit, field sense, full-field hucks, and beautiful faces while doing all those things. Gaston’s also developed a voice so beautiful that she stunned opponents on the field as she broke out in song whenever she needed to communicate anything to anybody, and I really mean anything – like she’d start singing “no break,” “force flick,”etc. during the game instead of just yelling it. At first, it didn’t seem very efficient. However, as time passed, her teammates understood it was her natural quirk – and probably, somewhere far away in the Amazon, a bird had switched voices with her: instead of being able to sing, all it could do was yell with Gaston’s voice.
A star on the Northwest School’s team as well as on the Seattle Women’s YCC team for 2009, 2008, and 2007, Gaston was a force to be reckoned with as a Freshman at Tufts in 2010. Now, as a sophomore, she’s a dominating character both on and off the field – truly a team player.
#80 Hannah “Madam” Garfield – 2014
#27 Mia “B.F.A.B.” Greenwald – 2014
Everyone has a spirit animal. Some say their spirit animal is a leopard, or a shark, or perhaps a furry little bear cub. However, Mia Greenwald is very different. In fact, she does not have a singular spirit animal but is rather a combination of the best trait of every animal (except the weird ones on the bottom of the ocean). She has the speed of a cheetah, reflexes like an attacking cobra, and can leap past defenders like a beautiful, galloping deer. Rumor has it that her arms are so strong, she chooses to swing like a monkey from the pipes on any ceiling that has them exposed rather than allow her feet to touch the ground. Naturally, she decided early in life to apply these talents towards ultimate. As Mia also never forgets (just as elephants never forget), she was ecstatic when she discovered the Tufts Elephant Women. She was quickly accepted as a member of their ranks and proved her worth many times over.
Today, Mia can be seen swimming a faster lap of butterfly than most of NESCAC, creating beautiful art, and tearing it up on the ultimate field. Don’t be fooled by her swan-like beauty, as this Ewo is a sly cat on and off the field.
#2 Sara “Pockets” Hanneman – 2014
#18 Emily “Kobe” Shields – 2014
Emily Shields is no ordinary human being. Born to an antelope herd deep in the Kalahari desert, Shields, the only human-antelope hybrid in the world, did not have an ordinary upbringing. Fed only lion meat and buzzard carcass, Shields grew strong and at a young age could run faster and jump higher than any desert animal. Also, because of her thick, lustrous antlers, Shields was the sexiest desert creature, sought after by many a horny lion cub.
When Shields was only 16, she gained worldwide fame as the youngest humantelope ever to win the Olympic gold medal for high jump. Unfortunately, her medal was later revoked due to her controversial usage of toe socks during competition. To this day, Shields remains a firm supporter of toe sock usage and even created the Worldwide Toe Sock Fund, an organization for young refugees discriminated against because of their love of the unique footwear.
At age 18, Shields entered the real world in the city of Boston. Naturally, she was attracted to the elephant women, thinking them to be a herd of captive circus elephants. Seeking to free them, Shields ventured to Tufts and discovered ultimate. Although USA Ultimate has strict rules about players with antlers, Shields has proven her prowess on the field and earned her designated spot in ultimate history.
# 8 Hannah “Fergie Strauss” Dorfman – 2015
Born in the Swiss Alps, Hannah Misty Oceana Panther Rain Dorfman is a skilled yodeler. But that’s not what you’re here to learn about.
When Hannah turned 3, the Dorfmans decided to leave the Alps to settle in the comparably beautiful Columbus, OH. It was there that Hannah discovered ultimate. She found that she could catch and throw with ease and she assumed the role of handler. When Hannah arrived at Tufts in the fall of 2011, she quickly fit right in with the ewo. The unassuming freshman arrived at the slap cup table and SLAPPED CUPS LIKE NO ONE’S BUSINESS.
Hannah also does other things. While she no longer yodels, Hannah expresses her musical talent elsewhere. Hannah is a super great cello player. So great that once Yo Yo Ma and several small adorable animals were brought to tears, of joy, by the beauty of her playing the cello. Hannah is also in B.E.A.T.s. She never goes anywhere without her orange paint bucket. NEVER. In conclusion, Hannah is a ginger.
See: http://www.momswhothink.com/baby-names/baby-names-that-make-you-feel-weird.html for more “names that make you feel weird.”
#10 Qxhna “Cricket” Titcomb – 2015
QXHN·NA (Cheeh-nuh) Noun: Warm blooded female homosapien tracked down in at least seven different continents. Usually fluent in all 79 tribal languages of Ghana, but prefers the language of her native species; the elephant women – because they are all really really ridiculously good looking. Theories have it that Qxhna was genetically engineered by an alien subspecies (to be ridiculously good at ultimate), who named this new creature with their language—a language that lacked all vowels, except for the letter ‘A.’ Witnesses describe Qxhna’s skill on the ultimate field with words like, “domination,” “strength,” and “beautiful silky sexy layouts.” Common phrase: “The Qxhna is sick nasty.” Verb: The act of balancing on a single pinky while doing leg curls the weight of an elephant and throwing deep field hucks, left handed. Common phrase: “I’m gonna go do some Qxhnas, keep 911 on speed dial.” Adj: Drop dead sexy. Common phrase: “Oh, you look so Qxhna today.”
Coaches: Sangwha Hong and Meriden D’Arcy