by Lucy






If I were to view my life in accomplishments, I wouldn’t be able to grasp anything–I cannot hold onto any moment or thing indefinitely, as achieving is holding, possessing. Rather than achieving, I view my life as experiencing. Experiencing lets each moment develop itself within me and depart, leaving me satisfied, not attempting to catch and hold on to a title of “accomplishment.”
I think back to our first week in the city of Chiang Mai where my peers and I made bingo boards of what we hoped to accomplish while in Thailand. I forgot about it for a while, but when I came back to the paper I had found that I had experienced nearly all of the items just within a few weeks.
“Having a basic conversation in Thai.” “Experiencing nature and mountain landscapes.” “Craft.”
While writing these, I didn’t feel like I necessarily had to accomplish any of these, rather they were things I thought were reasonably possible to do, and that I would likely enjoy doing them. Only now do I see that my subconscious, lighthearted but well-intentioned goal making has been completely formative to my experience here in Thailand.
What started from ordering my iced latte with 50% sweetness every morning in Thai turned into conversations about my family and life with my homestay families just in a week.
Exploring temples in the mountains, watching rice fields turn from tall green grass to short, brown, and harvested.
Dyeing clothes with natural pigments in hill tribe villages, painting at my internship every day, painting the house at our excursion, pottery & watercolor workshops as group activities.
Grey boxes quickly adorn a slash in pen across each one.
But one of the things I have not crossed off yet:
“Make friends to have a reason to come back to Thailand for.”
More than things I want to experience or accomplish is my desire to connect to people whose lives revolve around this country. To return here without someone to visit feels like I’m going just for myself–which of course is not a bad thing–but there is abundant beauty in the relationships you have established and maintained over thousands of miles of distance. This box remains uncrossed because I hope there will be no cap on the number of relationships I receive while I’m here.
My host family–Por Swing, Mae Mui, my parents; Nong Newton, Nong Bao Bei, my younger siblings; they have taken me in just as their own child and sibling. Nudging me for waking up past 7 (how do they get up so early…); sitting at dinner talking about food and learning their Northern Thai terms; suddenly facetiming their friends and introducing them to me; new faces showing up at every hour of the day, greeted by a simple “sawatdee jao”; yelling into my room to tell me it’s time to eat.
My coworkers and supervisors at my internship, Nai Suan. Ending placement days with hours of playing guitar and singing with P’Yoshi, P’Ice, and P’Mayu. Eating freshly grilled corn from the family’s fields with P’Boil while he tells us about his art, his life.
It’s only been a month and a half– yet it’s been a whole month and a half. However I choose to define it, I know concretely that I have experienced, and will leave with my bingo board of experience blacked out.















