by Justin, Tufts 1+4 Participant
First, I’d like to apologize for the misleading title. Don’t worry, no one here is “embarazada” or expecting children. However, this title does reflect my experience in my placement here in Madrid. For the last four months, I have been a father figure to four boys. The more I read that sentence in my head, the more ridiculous it sounds, especially considering I am only three years older than the eldest. But if you were in my shoes, you would feel the same way. This journey has been filled with the unexpected.
Lets begin with the fact that I was under the impression I would be working with little kids. I thought that I would enter the home and a bunch of little faces would come running at meet me ready to ask me to play with them. I thought I would have to teach them to not pick their noses or to not eat the glue. Instead, the boy that opened the door and welcomed me in was TWICE MY HEIGHT… Okay perhaps I am exaggerating, he is only slightly taller than me. To my surprise, I am actually working with boys from 12 to 15 years old. I have to admit, after realizing the kids were a lot older I thought my job would be super easy. No changing diapers, no potty training, and no glue eating. However, I see now that the job is not easier, it’s actually a completely different job which in fact may be harder. These boys needed a lot of guidance. They had no manners, little respect for adults, and only wanted to play. Getting them to do chores was a constant battle and homework required a lecture about their future. I am seeing first hand what it is like to be a parent. I’ve even represented them at parent-teacher conferences and social-services meetings.
In these nine months, I need to work on teaching them English, manners, and respect. I need to encourage doing well in school and motivate doing chores. I need to help them with typical teenage problems as well as their individual needs. I need to inspire integrity, confidence, and appreciation. And I need to keep them safe. Whether I am teaching them how to properly make a bed or helping with diabetes, ADHD, learning disabilities and anxiety, I try to be there for them when they need me. I am a teacher, mentor, protector, provider, and a companion. I need to give advice and answer all the awkward questions about life. I am not the first volunteer that they’ve lived with, but apparently I have made the biggest difference. How? I honestly don’t know. I am just doing my best to ensure that they learn and develop like any other child. The same way I would treat my own children.
Thus, “Unexpected Parenthood” is the perfect title! I know I rambled in that last paragraph, but those are all the thoughts going through my head. Those are all my goals in an attempt to invent a dad we never had.
Hey Justin, after reading this reflection on your service thus far I just wanted to let you know that stories like this are so reassuring to me. I recently elected to go early decision II and my decision was based on my interest in the bridge year program. I hope I get the opportunity to have as big an impact on someone’s life like you have.
It’s funny that I find myself reading and responding to your post about the bridge year program because a little over a year ago I met you at the 2015 fall RYLA in October at camp Hazen in Chester, CT. I remember the conversation we had about your plans for the future and college, and you mentioned the bridge year program at Tufts instantly sparking my interest. It is because of you, Justin, that I discovered this amazing program and I wanted to thank you so much for that. I wish you the best of luck in the rest of the program and hopefully I’ll be able to have a similar experience to yours.