Tag Archives: Mental Health

Escape the Imposter Syndrome

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Jennifer Khirallah, Biomedical Engineering Ph.D. candidate

Do you ever feel like you’re not supposed to be in a graduate program? Like everyone else is more qualified than you? Like you somehow fooled everyone and you won’t last undetected any longer? This is the imposter syndrome, and you are not alone in that feeling.

The imposter syndrome can be defined as “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.” This is something not only graduate students experience, but professors and post-docs feel as well. These feelings may come and go in high stress environments and may be all-encompassing.

I have had my own share of imposter syndrome, normally during times of stress or near an important deadline. I remember one of the most convincing times was during my qualifying exams. This is an exam that lasts about three weeks and includes critiquing a peer-reviewed research paper, writing an essay on it, and then presenting in front of the entire department. And to make it even more stressful, if you fail twice, you are dismissed from the program.

I was feeling overwhelmed, underprepared, and frankly like I was in way over my head. I wasn’t able to shake the feeling that I had somehow fooled the entire department into admitting me into the program. However, I talked to someone else in my cohort and she told me she felt the same way now and then and told me “It’s the imposter syndrome,” which was the first time I had heard of this term. I still feel like an imposter sometimes, but every time it’s because I’m doing something more challenging than I’ve done before.

Sometimes it’s easy to sink into this mindset and let it consume you, but you have to change your perspective and have courage in your own abilities. You did not fool admissions into letting you in, or your professors for passing you or giving you good grades. You worked and studied for your accomplishments and put yourself in the position you are in now. You deserve to be here! You are in graduate school to learn, become more independent, and challenge your thinking. You may feel out of place and confused sometimes and that is normal. In uncomfortable situations we grow and adapt.

Sometimes just knowing that your feelings of doubt are a common thing amongst your peers may settle your nerves, so talk to your friends about this and you will be surprised at how many of them tell you they have felt the same way.

Need an Ear?

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Maitreyi Kale, Human Factors Engineering M.S. Candiate

Have you ever wanted to scream into the void about your problems? Vent to someone who’ll never gossip about you? Freak out about adulting in secret because everyone else seems to have their life figured out? Or just have a listening ear in the middle of the night?

One of the many perks of being a Jumbo is that you totally can! Ears for Peers is Tufts’ anonymous, student-run peer support hotline, and you can call or text Ears every night from 7 PM to 7 AM about absolutely anything. I’ve been a part of Ears for Peers (E4P) since my freshman year (Fall 2018), and it is by far the best most meaningful thing I do on campus. Why am I openly talking about being an Ear, if we’re supposed to be anonymous? This year, I am one of the Faces of Ears for Peers alongside the wonderful Libby Moser, and we are the only two non-anonymous members of the organization. You might see us around campus tabling for Ears, spreading the word about Ears as a resource and giving out free merch. I love being Face, because it means I get to talk about my favorite organization after having been anonymous for three years!

A lot of students don’t know this, but E4P is available as a resource to graduate students, too (and we sure do need it). So if you need someone to talk to, you can call us at 617-627-3888, or text us at ears4peers.herokuapp.com/ every night from 7 PM to 7 AM. We’re working on making it so you can text the number as well, so follow us on Instagram @ears4peers for updates on when that becomes possible! All Ears are Tufts students like you, so calls usually feel like chill conversations with a friend; we try our best to match the energy that you’re looking for! Since we’re fully anonymous and confidential, we’ll never know who’s calling or texting us, and you won’t know who you’re talking to, because our systems hide identifying information.

Ears are trained to handle a wide range of topics. With over 600 calls just last year, we’ve gotten calls about everything from relationship problems, to homesickness, academic troubles, to mental health struggles, and so much more. We’re familiar with Tufts resources on campus (and many off campus) and can provide personalized recommendations to callers if they’re interested. Despite being an Ear myself, I’ve called the line when I wasn’t on shift, because in bad moments, it’s comforting to know that I’m confiding in someone who doesn’t see me as a “burden”. 

Curious about what it’s like to be an Ear – besides gaining access to a secret group of actual superheroes as friends? Ears take 4 shifts per month, either from 7-11 PM or 11 PM to 7 AM. Shifts are taken in pairs, so you’re never alone, in a secret room that has beds, desks, computers, snacks, etc. so you can do homework, go to sleep, or exchange life stories with the other Ear on shift. When the phone rings or the text line goes off, you pick up, help someone out, and experience the fulfillment that comes with it. Sometimes, you end up having a great, hilarious conversation with a caller and get mad that you’re anonymous and cannot be best friends with said caller. And every now and then, your friends might ask you where you’re headed in the middle of the night when you’re on shift or attending a meeting, but it’s a secret, so you get pretty good at thinking on the spot, I guess?

Being an Ear has made me feel so connected to the Tufts community. I love talking to our callers and texters and hearing about their lives, being trusted with their most vulnerable selves. Sometimes, we get callers who reach out frequently throughout the year and it is a privilege to watch them grow over time and support them through their Tufts journey. Sometimes, Tufts students call us because they’re worried about a friend and just want to help. Every day as an Ear feels like a celebration of the inherent goodness of human beings! Every so often, a caller is hard on themselves about difficult situations and emotions, and you end up saying something to them that maybe you needed to hear yourself. I remember being devastated about the end of my first relationship ever during my sophomore year at Tufts, and while on shift, I received a call from someone going through a breakup. In supporting the caller as they processed their breakup, I found myself telling them “It’s okay. I know it’s not okay right now, but some day, it’s going to be okay, and that’s what makes it okay” and realized that I actually believed that I’d be okay for the first time since my breakup… I’d really needed to hear it myself. 

My favorite Ears tradition is The Gritch, which is a journal that sits in our room for Ears on shift to write in. The Gritch brings us closer together as a group, because we vent and respond to each other’s entries, and some Ears have even found love through writing to each other through the Gritch :’) Since Ears has been running since 1989, we have some Gritches from thirty years ago, and it’s super interesting to read first-hand accounts of what Tufts was like in the past! Like, I know it’s frustrating for us to deal with SIS to enroll in courses every semester, but did you know that in 1995, Jumbos used to line up outside Eaton Hall to register for their classes in person?! Can you imagine waiting in line for hours and only to find out that that course you really wanted to take filled up by the time it was your turn? It’s also fun to see what previous generations of Ears are up to now; Josh Wolk (A91), the founder of Tufts’ humor magazine The Zamboni, was secretly an Ear and wrote some of the funniest entries in the first Gritch ever. When I internet-stalked him (as one does), I found that he’s published a hilarious book called Cabin Pressure, which is about the time he returned to his childhood summer camp but as an adult counselor. A copy of that book now sits in the Ears room! 

Many people ask me why I decided to continue doing Ears during my master’s program, with everything else grad students tend to have on their plates. In an effort to end my history of overcommitting and overbooking myself (classic Tufts undergrad behavior), I promised myself to only give my time and effort to things I cared about most this year; Ears for Peers has contributed immensely to my growth as a person and my understanding of the human experience, so continuing to be an Ear during grad school felt like a no-brainer to me. As a bonus, some of my closest friends at Tufts were/are Ears, and our bonding nights spent playing board games, doing paint and sips, chatting around campfires, are some of my most cherished Tufts memories.  

Growing up in India, around a culture of shame and stigma surrounding mental health, I craved a community that acknowledged its significance and supported each other through these “hidden” difficulties. I feel proud to be going to a school whose students have set up such a unique, wonderful resource to support its community. I’m sure I speak for all Ears when I say: I know from personal experience what a difference it makes to have someone be there for you through a rough time. So, if you ever need anyone to talk to, know that we’re ear for you!

Funda-Mental Health Care

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Written by Manisha Raghavan, Bioengineering M.S. 2019

This is a personal story, but I am no longer ashamed to discuss it. If someone had asked me a year ago about how much attention I paid to my mental well being, I would have scoffed and told them that mental health is a ‘notion’ that doesn’t affect me. But once I got to grad school, my whole perspective on mental health changed.

Once the exciting ‘moved to a new country / I am an adult’ phase died down and grad school began to ramp up, things got harder. The stress of schoolwork, my new responsibilities, making new friends, and missing my loved ones back home — it all took a toll on me. I did not know what the feeling was exactly, or what the cause was, but I knew something was not right.

At first, I didn’t want to acknowledge my feelings. I pushed almost everyone away just because I saw them galavanting and enjoying life on social media. I felt so isolated; avoiding talking about how I felt because then I would have to face the reality of my situation.

After struggling alone, it took a lot of courage for me to go ahead and book an appointment with the Tufts Counseling and Mental Health Services. I started working with a counselor about my struggles, meeting expectations, a bad living situation, a project not taking off, racial microaggressions I faced, and anything else you could imagine. The last week of December, I remember my counselor telling me that I was suffering from depression and anxiety. I remember walking out of the center and crying inconsolably: it was my nightmare come true. But far from being a nightmare, working with my counselor has been extremely helpful for my mental health and well being.

I still go to therapy for my depression and anxiety, and there have been days when everything feels bad and I experience sadness on a consistent basis. But even when your body aches and you don’t feel like stepping out of bed, remember that it gets better—and I would know.

It took me time to realize that many students go through the same thing I do, but it can be much harder for grad students to talk about their mental health because we are expected to be “adults” on campus. I think the first important step that helped me was talking to my family and friends about how I was feeling. You would be surprised how many friends of mine were going through the same thing, on and off campus. Many of us were afraid of being judged, but I found that I got more support from my friends than I was expecting.  One major resource on campus that helped me  is Tufts Counseling and Mental Health Services. If you have paid the Tufts Health Fee, please do not hold back from visiting a counselor. They are trained, experienced professionals who are here to help you. If you have a mental health emergency, or if you are looking for a certain kind of support, Tufts Counseling and Mental Health Services can help.

If you feel that going and meeting someone in person is intimidating, you can use ‘BetterHelp’ and ‘iHope,’ both of which are valuable Telehealth counseling services. BetterHelp is covered by the Tufts student insurance plan, while iHope requires a copay. Tufts also has a wonderful service in the form of ‘Tufts Ears for Peers’ which is an anonymous, confidential helpline for Tufts students and is open from 7pm to 7am every day.

There are also many daily activities that can help with regular mental health support. You can also download apps such as ‘Headspace’, ‘Fabulous,’ and ‘Youper’ which force you to do regular emotional check-ins. Mindfulness meditation has been shown to control anxiety and panic attacks — just breathing in and breathing out with constant awareness can be a powerful tool. Pick up a new hobby, or an activity which you have put off for a long time. Get enough sleep and maintain a good diet. Start practicing ‘gratitude journaling’, and write down your negative thoughts. Let it out of your system.

But most importantly, let yourself feel the way you do. Many of us bottle up our emotions and feelings because we fear of being perceived as weak. Sometimes, all you need is an ear to listen to you, and a shoulder to lean on. No one has it easy in life, and some of us find it harder to cope than others. But remember to remind yourself that ‘after a hurricane, comes a rainbow’.

Preparing to Defend

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Preparing to defend my thesis was the most mentally, emotionally, and at times, physically, challenging part of graduate school. After my final field season, I thought it was going to be easy. All I have to do is write. I’ve written a ton. Piece of cake.

I was so wrong.

Yes, as graduate students we write a lot. During my time in graduate school, I wrote scientific papers, grant proposals, popular science articles, blog posts, etc. But I had never written about the same subject so continuously. I started to get sick of my study system (honey bees), which made me sad, because I love honey bees!

When I finally handed my thesis in to my committee, I had to prepare for the actual defense. This was also a challenge. What papers should I read? What is my committee going to ask me? What if they hate my thesis?

In the end, it all worked out. I successfully defended my thesis and the defense was enjoyable! I didn’t need to stress as much as I did.

Preparing to defend your thesis is going to be challenging, but here are some things I realized that may keep you from psyching yourself out too much.

Use a citation manager!

First, a specific piece of advice: start using a citation manager when you get to grad school, keep it updated, and use it consistently! This will make the references section of your thesis much easier to deal with. I didn’t start using a citation manager until year three, and when it came time to write the thesis in year five, I was not happy with past Rachael. I use EndNote but there are many other options and the library hosts workshops on almost all of them.

Keep your committee in the loop.

Throughout your time in graduate school, talk to your committee. Update them on data at committee meetings, discuss methods, ask for suggestions on writing when relevant. If you do this throughout graduate school, your committee won’t be surprised at defense time, and neither will you. If you take the time to get to know your committee members, you may be able to anticipate their questions.

I realize this doesn’t work for that external committee member you may be required to have. When choosing your external committee member, choose someone who knows your field, and read his/her relevant papers. I did this for my external committee member, and I was able to successfully anticipate some of her questions. Also, when it comes to your external member, don’t be afraid to ask around. Ask past graduate students from your lab who they chose and why; ask about their experience in the closed defense.

It doesn’t have to be perfect.

Remember, the written thesis you hand in to your committee is technically a draft. As a perfectionist, this was difficult for me. I was working so hardto make every chapter, every figure, every page, so that it could be publication ready. But with a document that long, it may not be possible in the time you have. And that’s ok. Part of your committee’s job is to suggest edits, which you can then use when/if you publish.

It’s a conversation.

On defense day, I was most worried about the closed defense. What if they hate my research? What if they ask me a question I can’t answer?

Part of these nerves will be alleviated by fostering a relationship with your committee. Also, think of the closed defense as a conversation rather than a “grilling” session. Your committee asks you questions, you answer the questions as best you can. Some questions lead to other questions. It’s just a discussion– a discussion about something you’ve been studying for 4 – 6 years and you know really well.

My closed defense was a fun, productive experience. Sure, I couldn’t answer some of the bigger, theoretical questions, but it was fun to brainstorm and discuss ideas.

Take care of yourself.

Even if you follow all my advice, preparing to defend is going to be difficult. Graduate school is supposed to be hard. Throughout this process (and all of graduate school), remember to take care of yourself.

Countless hours of sitting at a computer takes a toll on your body (this is the physical challenge). Take breaks to stretch or go for a walk. Give your eyes a break from the screen. Drink water. Eat food. (Both sound simple but trust me, you might forget.)

Stay active, whatever that means to you. Do yoga, go for a run, kickbox, get outside, play a board game, grab coffee with friends. And don’t feel guilty about taking time away from school to stay active! Your mental health is important. Your mental health is important. Your mental health is important.

 Remember, you are not alone.

Writing a thesis is an inherently isolating process. Don’t let it get to the point where you feel like you’re alone, because you’re not. Talk to past graduate students from your lab (this was my greatest therapy while writing/preparing to defend), attend the graduate writing exchange, visit family, grab coffee with friends (yes, I’m saying it again).

Graduate school takes a village and you have a support system in your mentor, your committee, your friends, your family. Use that support system.

 And finally, celebrate!

Following your defense, take time to celebrate your accomplishment! Getting a higher degree takes dedication, ambition, and a lot of hard work. You deserve to be proud of yourself!

Written by Rachael Bonoan, Biology Ph.D. 2018

How To Survive in Grad School

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 Written by Kate Cottrell, Classics M.A.T. 2019

        So you’re considering taking the plunge into graduate school and Tufts. Welcome! You should know that there is no typical grad student. Sure, we all share traits, e.g. weirdly specific information on an obscure topic or an (un)healthy relationship with our favorite lab, library or coffee shop, but there is no typical path to grad school. This is great because it means whatever path gets you there is the right one. Some of us arrived at Tufts directly from undergrad, some took a few years off, some are returning after decades. Some, like me, are returning to school—again—and possibly forever. I graduated with my BA in Philosophy in 2011, took 4 years off and then did my first MA in Theological Studies at Harvard. I made the short move from Cambridge to Medford and now I’m here offering lessons learned during my first program.

        1. Set Boundaries

          Burnout is real. Boundaries are necessary. Our innate curiosity and intellectual drive combined with the demands on our time as students, TAs, and humans with family, friends and lives academia-adjacent is dangerous and volatile. Boundaries will look different for everyone. One limit I’ve set is that I don’t check my school email overnight between 9pm and 7am and only once a day on weekends. Learning what works for you, what will keep you sane, requires trial and error, and failure. But it doesn’t mean it can’t be fun along the way; give yourself the space to indulge in that Netflix binge, or to read that novel that you really want to read just for the hell of it, or go to that concert on a school night.

        2. Protect Your Mental Health

          There are some troubling studies about the mental health of graduate students. I suggest not looking at these in the middle of a 3 am “what am I doing with my life?” spiral of worry. We are (mostly) all scared or insecure and stressed. This, of course, manifests vastly differently for each person. This is a call for you to take responsibility for your mental health. Tufts offers mental health services for graduate students if that’s what managing your mental health means for you. This isn’t something I, a stranger on the internet, can pretend to advise you on: know yourself, know your needs, find the help necessary to support yourself.

        3. Find Your People

          Making friends as an adult is hard. It is especially difficult if it involves moving to a new city. Luckily, school is a great catalyst for building friendships. Practice setting boundaries with your academic work and taking care of your mental health by doing fun things with your cohort—go to restaurants, or hiking, or have a board game night. Really, anything really that drags you off campus and into the bustling city that is Boston is ideal. Spending hours in the library/coffee shop/your apartment pursuing academic questions only you seem to be asking can be isolating, but there’s no reason to go it entirely alone. I mean, who else are you going to frantically text about the homework due tomorrow?

        4. Trust Yourself

          Remember that you belong in graduate school. No, you did not trick the admissions committee into getting in. You put in the work and have built the skills that will help you be successful. There is work still to do—there is always work to do—but trust yourself to do it. Whether this means trusting your gut in proposing hypotheses, offering to sight read in a language class, or submitting and giving papers at conferences, try it. It will likely go really well. But if it doesn’t, trust yourself in failure. It does not mean you do not belong here. It’s a sign of growth and growth is uncomfortable.

        5. Remember Why You’re Here

          This second degree is humbling in ways I did not anticipate. After all, I have mastered material. I am a classically trained scholar with an oversized piece of heavy stock paper to prove it. And yet I still find myself struggling to translate participles and don’t even get me started on the way my brain shorts out when gerunds and gerundives are mentioned. I never thought I knew everything—learned that lesson from Socrates during my bachelor’s—but I did and still do have parts of my identity intimately tied to excelling in school, to being smart, and to performing intelligence. This process takes patience and self-forgiveness. Being healthy in grad school, as in life, takes work. The first step of that work for me is reminding myself daily that I am here to learn. We are all here to learn.