Here is a site that tells how (or how not) to write a paper.
Here’s every scientist’s dream:
If you want to see whether you are a scientist check this out:
A little girl on the red line subway told this to one of my engineering students: What kind of ears do engines have? …………………………………………………Engine-ears!
A mother and 4 children live in a circular house with a butler, cook, and maid. The mother was killed and each person had an alibi. The cook said he was in the kitchen cleaning up. The butler said she was delivering food. The maid said he was cleaning in the corners. Who was lying? Answer: click here!
The optimist sees the glass half-full. The pessimist sees the glass half-empty. The chemist sees the glass as completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the gaseous state.”
Rene Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender ask, “do you want a drink?” He answers “I think not” and disappears.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it. He closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side. Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve found you!” Newton says “No no, Einstein. You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!”
Two protons run into each other and one falls down. One asks the other if he is OK and he replies, “I’m fine.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” He replies, “Of course, I’m positive!”
A conversation in the Physics Department (?): “Neutrinos have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic!”
Q: What’s the difference between a boson and a bison? A: Pretty much the whole bison.
Helium walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gasses here.” It doesn’t react.
Some excellent test answers:
I’d tell a chemistry joke, but I’m afraid it wouldn’t get a reaction.
Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says, “make me one with everything.”
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One of them said, “Wow, it’s really hot in here.” The other said, “Ahhhhhhhhh! it’s a talking muffin!”
Feeling a little on edge? Check out the illusions!
Here’s a fun update to the Abbott and Costello joke about who’s on first but with computers (thanks to Cousin Nino).