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( Your joke or gem could go here, too.  Just e-mail me.)

One of my students asked Chat GPT to find a joke using measure zero (any set that, for every A>0, is covered by a finite or countable union of rectangles of total volume less than A) and of JC0 = Jordan Content Zero (any set that, for every A>0 is covered by a finite union of rectangles of total volume less than A). Here’s what he got:

Here is some differential geometry fun (sort of):
What do Isaac Newton, Joseph Rapson, and King George the III have in common
ANS: They all required Hessians.

Check out this artistic math–scroll to the second page!

Everyone knows that a horse has 4 legs, which is an even number.
On the other hand it has two legs behind and forelegs which sums up to
six legs. Well six is an odd number of legs for a horse.
So the number of legs of a horse is both even and odd. And the only
number which is both even and odd is infinity.
Q: What’s the difference between calculus and a squid?
A: One has to do with increments of x, the other with excrements of ink.
The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic. But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.
Q: Do you already know the latest stats joke?
A: Probably

Hey, have you ever noticed what’s odd?  ANS:  every other integer.

What did the baby parabola have for breakfast?  A:  quadratic formula

Why didn’t the hyperboloid feel sick?  A: it was asymptote-matic!

A person looking for a place to sit and asks a mathematician in the park, “Hey, is the empty space here closed or open?”  The mathematician responsds, “Both.” 

If you want to pub crawl around England, check out this to find the most efficient way.
Q: What do you call a man who got too close to the sun?
A: A tan gent!
Question: If you’re stuck in a dark cold room and there’s no power, where should you go to get warm?
Answer: Go in a corner since it’s 90 degrees there.

Are monsters good at math?  Not unless you count Dracula!

If you don’t believe in square roots, look here:

What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass??

Answer: beer!

Why did pi get its driver’s license revoked?  A: because it didn’t know when to stop. 

Here is some math fun, including pictures of mathematicians on postage stamps.
Here is a fun YouTube presentation about Mobius transformations.
The roundest knight at the Round Table was Sir Cumference. . . . . He had too much pi. (credit:
If you like to play tic-tac-toe and other games on a torus check out the web site of Jeff Weeks. Jeff was our 2008 Wiener Lecturer.
Here’s proof that if you can imagine, numbers are fun.
Why couldn’t the circle button its pants? Click here for the answer.
On a related note, do you know what i and pi said to each other?…. Click here to learn.
Speaking of imaginary numbers….  Here’s something that happened last time I got a wrong number:  “I’m sorry, the number you have dialed is an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and dial again.”
If people call you “four eyes,” what should you say?
……I’m number 1!! (hint: i*i*i*i)
If you would like more counting riddles check out this link.
Here are some more cute math jokes.
Here’s a cool explanation by Vi Hart why .99999….=1 and other cool facts about numbers by Vi Hart (opens in new tab)

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
PUPIL: a teacher

I hope this doesn’t happen to you, but….
Is this what happens when a math student goes bad?
And if you like golf!
Here’s a Larson comic for those who think they don’t have horse sense about math (but you all do have good sense about math!).
What did God say when he created Actuaries?
He scratched his head and said “Go figure!” and they took it literally…
*Why is Halloween is equal to Christmas: DEC25 = OCT31 (hint: think OCTAL)
If you are a romantic math person at heart, check out this.
Here are some riddles and here are some of James Adler’s riddles.
Here is a middle-school kid’s site, Math Counts!.
Khan Academy is a site with really good math talks for kids (you have to login).
In the same vein, here is one more way to do math:
Question: Do you know why 16/64 = 1/4?
Answer: Cancel the 6’s!
Q: How many elements are in a commutative group?
A: A-belian (…………….10^9)
What did one math book say to the other??  Click here for the answer.
If you’re in a German mood….What, according to Sigmund Freud, comes between fear and sex? Click here for the answer!
The number 12 walks into a bar and orders a whiskey sour.
The bartender looks at him and says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you…”
Why??  Click here for the answer.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer…….
The bartender says “Got it!”, and pours two beers.
What does a theorem drink when it gets thirsty?
Ans: LEMMA-nade…A farmer asks his sheepdog to count his new sheep. The dog runs into the field, and after a bit, runs back to his master,
“40,” replies the dog.
“How can there be 40?” exclaims the farmer. “I only bought 38!”
“I know,” says the dog. “But I rounded them up.”
What did God say when he created Actuaries?
He scratched his head and said “Go figure!” and they took it literally…
Why is Halloween is equal to Christmas: DEC25 = OCT31 (hint: think OCTAL)
The Math Society had this joke on its website at finals time!:
Parent: What did you do in school today?
Student: We played a guessing game!
Parent: I thought you had your math exam.
Student: Exactly!
Two mathematicians are studying a convergent series.
The first one says: “Do you realize that the series converges even when all the terms are made positive?”
The second one asks: “Are you sure?”
The first one says: “Absolutely!
A group of Mathematicians were in a band.  They got up on stage and proceeded to stand there in silence for three whole minutes.  When a member of the audience asked what they were doing, the band replied, “why, we’re playing an imaginary number.”
Q:  What does a mathematician say at the door on Halloween?
A:  Trig or Treat!!
Q:  What does a mathematician say when she comes home and doesn’t find her parrot?
A:  Polly gone!
Do you know what (sin x)/n  is?   ANS:  six!
Now, do you know what (sin x)/x is?
Do you know the shortest mathematical joke?……   Let epsilon be less than zero.
On the same lines:
A person was complaining that although they had been able to teach their horse mathematics and physics the horse was unable to learn philosophy, which proves you can’t put Descartes before the horse.
What’s clear and used by trendy, sophisticated engineers to solve differential equations?
The Perrier Transform.
Here’s a fun anagram: eleven plus two = twelve plus one
A Boston student took 30 items to a 12 items or less check out counter.
The cashier asked “What are you, an MIT student who can’t read or a Harvard student who can’t count?”
(Of course, everyone knows a Tufts student would be able to do both!)

Mathematicians are like [people who speak their own language]:  whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different.  GOETHE