I pace the halls of Hirsh Library, entreating all who encounter me to heed my words! I was created not of my own volition but out of a sense of necessity, caused by the grief of equipment being turned in way past its due date, if at all.
Alas, I am feared for my hideous appearance, horrifying and revolting to all who have the misfortune of casting their eyes upon me. However, I serve only as warning and reminder, I am not some “abhorred monster” as some may claim. I am here to rescue you, though you may see me as inflicting harm. Rather I serve to guide you toward responsible circulation habits.
I have a right to happiness, and therefore, it’s essential that you return your items on time! Otherwise, I seek revenge! “Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful! I will watch with the wiliness of a snake, that I may sting with its venom.”
At first offense, you will be barred from library borrowing for the span of a day (24-hour block).
The second time you stray from the agreed upon guidelines, this time period shall be expanded to seven days and nights from the point of the item’s return (1 week block).
That unhappy third time, as I have learned to speak and read, thus I must share the stories of your misdeeds with your Dean and inhibit your ability to check out items for one week. (1 week block and intercession with the Dean).
Finally, at a fourth offense, one month will not suffice, and your ability to borrow from these hallowed halls shall span the rest of the semester, and, again, my wretched wailing will once again reach the ears of your dean (Semester block and additional meeting with Dean).
“I was benevolent and good; misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous.” Therefore, I beg of you, please, carefully read Hirsh’s Overdue Items Policy and return all items when they are due to keep me from my cruel fate!
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